Saturday, November 8, 2008

She demonizes then runs for cover. But then how could she behave otherwise? She's just a spoilt suburban white girl ...

FACT: Sleeping has happened less often than I would have preferred this week (and yet I'm up at 2 am blogging? Geez I'm a hypocrite ...)

FACT: I have to be at school in 6 hours to volunteer with a UIL academic meet. Yes, I am so unbelievably nerdy it should pain you. ;]

FACT: I almost got into a car wreck today, the closest I had ever been while actually being the one driving. I wasn't so concerned about my safety as much as what my parents would do to me if I had.

FACT: Stage make-up, lack of sleep, and plenty of stress = Kayla's face looks like a disaster zone. Pleasant.

FACT: I proceeded to have an emotional meltdown while driving today; I think it was just the culmination of everything lately.

FACT: It's been a tough week. I don't think I'm alone in saying that.

However --

I have realized something very important from the events of this week, looking back at old journaling, and just taking the time to step back and view everything in a relatively mature light.

I harbor an excessive amount of negativity in my life for no reason except for habit. I really don't want to be this kind of person, and I don't care for the unhappiness of it all. I want to be happy, productive, open, effervescent, creative, confident, passionate, and positive. I am not doing a good job of living a life I've imagined and I'm really the only one who can change that.

So ... in light of the recent stress and negativity of this week ... I have decided that tomorrow will be brighter, and better and I will try my damnedest to be authentic with my feelings but not to wallow in negativity. I think negative energy just spawns more of its own kind and that's no way to live at all!

It took a good deal of random riding around in cars and sitting in diners tonight that finally got that to sink in. I'm slow on the uptake.

Anyhow, tomorrow is a new day and (un)fortunately it starts in less than 6 hours!

Oh beautiful slumber, relieve me from painful somnolence so that tomorrow I may awake avec les yeux d'optimiste!

5 comments:

brooke. said...

you put up the picture i drew like 3 years ago :)

Liv Bambola said...

I love that picture! (kudo's to brooke.)

"The secret to happiness. Have no preference." I have this on my board at work. If you don't prefer something else, you are happy with what you've got.

Try making a list of all the things you love about your life. Any time something good happens, add that to your list. I used to be the same, until I realised I had it REALLY good, and had no reason to be sad.

Chin up lovely =) x

Anonymous said...

Wow. Love the picture. Nice artwork... ur friend did!

Anonymous said...

yay positive thinking!
and at least you have the thanksgiving break to look forward to!

Liv Bambola said...

I <3 your blog & decided to share that fact with my readers. Hope you don't mind