Keep telling myself it that won't take long till I'm free of my disease

I feel very down lately. Its almost been a year since I cried on a bed in Jester Center at UT Honors Colloquium because I wasn't the person I wanted to be. Now, I am closer to being that person. However, with only 51 days until my 18th birthday and one-year anniversary of the decision to pursue my better self, I'm not close enough to be happy. I should be happy with my progress but I wanted to achieve MORE.

Maybe my goals are petty.

- Obtain a more unique, creative wardrobe
- Finish accutane, *hopefully* have beautiful skin
- Weigh 128 lbs
- Play a musical instrument (working on the ukulele!)
- Finish a screenplay. (I feel particularly shitty about this one.)
- Become a crafter (I haven't even finished knitting one scarf!)

Basically, I don't know where the time went. I achieved a lot this year but, damn it. I feel like I failed somewhere. I doubt I have the time to achieve the rest of those goals by July 25, at the latest, August 15. I want to be the most perfect me when I go to Austin in the fall and right now I'm having one of those moments/days/phases where I just am lacking the confidence and optimism to sprint the final leg.

Blah.

I need to exercise: patience, self-discipline, perseverance, confidence, optimism, and dedication.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. I can do this.

Pleeeeeeeeeease.

Post title from Matchbox 20's "Disease"