Sent a Message out Into the Dark

Ha. Well ... let me begin with this: I am very deficient in my knowledge of technology and even more deficient in the dedication of keeping an internet blog, seeing as I'm much more keen on scrawling in my notebooks every night. However, I believe for summer I will properly solve this dilemma of the under-updated, disappointingly drab and inaccurate blog. I'm considering typing up the transcripts of my written diary entries from all my journaling. However ... this scares me. I don't want to lose all sense of privacy and personal intimacy by posting all that I ramble about at one in the morning on a Tuesday. I don't know if I like the idea of anyone from my parents to the Dalai Lama being able to find this on the internet. Not so much as I'm ashamed of anything I think or feel or write about or ponder, but it's just ... strange. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Maybe I'll just include excerpts from journal entries and can increase or decrease content as necessary until I feel comfortable with the level of sharing. Sounds doable? I believe so.

I'm off to listen to Ben Lee and play Free Rice.

Oh, how it's been so long ...

We're so sorry we've been gone!


HONDA CIVIC TOUR.
Awesome.

Phantom Planet was pretty cool, very fascinating to see a Schwartzman in person. Not the one I'd prefer, but still very rad.

Hush Sound wasn't the most awesome band to see in concert, but they make pretty music.

Motion City Soundtrack. Most intense pit. Funny people. I LOVE JUSTIN.

Panic. Awesome. Rad. Amazing. EPIC.

Huzzah.

funny stoners, making friends in the pit, $3 water, pulling people off the ground, sweating until you're no longer gross, being covered in countless obscene fluids, smelling so bad you can't even tell, bunnies for mad as rabbits, dancing when everyone's dead, eye contact with the stars, chanting for water as loud as for rock stars, the feeling of never being clean again, getting a whole lot closer to strangers than you'd ever imagine, very cool.

I love my friends, especially my best friend! My Stevie Lee is pretty much the most amazing best friend that anyone could ever have. She's the bamf. Fo sho.

Look around your world, pretty baby.

Alas, 'tis time for some sort of update. I've found that I've put off updating this thing at all since January, despite one of my New Year's resolutions being to keep a blog. I think the fact that I'm fully aware that I am incapable of writing brilliant, captivating prose that is like twinkling chimes to the senses is what inhibits me. This is where I begin to compare myself to my sister, but I resist and refuse and in turn am moving on and changing the subject.

I StumbledUpon some really amazing art piece today called "Belongings". Let me do my best to try and explain it: Real life stories of human love, through the eyes of diverse, sensitive objects. Very relatable, ironic, and thought-provoking. Definitely recommended.

I believe I'm getting a summer job soon, either at Target or at Nestle Toll House Cafe. Personally, making cookies and smoothies sounds more fun than being a cashier, but I'm not sure which one I'll choose. Target pays more and has more potential to meet people. I really need to meet some new people to inspire me and to spend time with. Brookie was really great and creative and absolutely wonderful but now she's in the golden land of Seattle, and now all I have is Steve. I just need a little more social, emotional, and intellectual variation to appease me.



I believe I need to assign more purpose to this blog, or else it doesn't really motivate one to update it. If I just endlessly twitter about my days, then no one will be interested in reading it who I wouldn't just speak to in person anyway.

We Will Become Silhouettes

What a strange week. I laid in bed Friday night and wondered if it had actually happened ... it did, and then the next day it got even more odd.

So ... my best friend since we were 11... After the initial shock, I'm actually really okay with it. Looking back, I probably could have seen it and sort of did, but it's just something to get used to. I don't think it will actually feel real until she actually does anything. It was strange, but it actually felt like a huge weight off of my shoulders. Strange but it made me feel like I didn't have to compete with her all the time like I always feel like I have to do. Rationally that doesn't even make since -- but I always felt like I was the less pretty, less likable, less date-able out of the two of us but somehow this unrelated revelation has made me feel like that isn't true -- we're equal but different.

To throw a kicker on top of all that? My best guy friend has also told me. I know -- it sounds fishy, but he actually had before he moved here, and just never told us about it until a month ago when he told yesterday.

So all of the sudden ... they have suddenly become minorities, making me the minority by not being a minority. Ha. Well, it was weird at first. But all good.

The three of us talked and it was just funny because now that everything was out in the open between all of us, we all became instantly closer and more relaxed. Of course, being my sarcastic bitch self I took advantage to make fun of them, myself, the situation, and many other things. Don't judge me, I'm just a Faye type. bahaha.

Blah. That's enough about that subject -- it's still taking my brain some time to process it.

In other news --- MY CRAFTY SENSES ARE TINGLING!

I want to make some crafts! I want to display them and sell them and make them for my friends! I want to make polymer clay animals and little foods and put them on necklaces and jewelry :] I want to make skirts and clothes! I want to make felt stuffed animals and plushies! I want to make cool duct tape stuff! PURSES! I WANT TO MAKE PURSES! Really cool collages, too. If I could knit, I'd make kick ass scarves, too. BASICALLY - I want to do everything and I can't settle down and focus enough to decide where to focus my time, money, and energy to decide what I should work on first. Knitting was pretty difficult, polymer clay is too expensive, I'm sure I'll get sick of duct tape stuff after making a prom dress and tuxedo of it, I think I'm going to try and go the textile/sewing route? Gah. Still expensive. Maybe I'll stick with reconstruction? I don't know ... hmm. I need to go to Thrift Town and get some pieces to remake and get an idea. Once I actually START on a project and commit, I'm sure I'll be fine - but before then ... gah.

Anyway -- enough complaining about that.

I felt all warm and tingly today when El Spoffo sent me a text message -- 'tis so nice to talk to him, I love our new bond :]

fdgfdgdfhjgdfh. I think my brain is going to explode again. gah.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Last night I dreamed!

"Well, isn't that hunky dory for you, then?"
Ha ... but seriously, I have been longing for a really nice REM sleep and vivid dream for a while. This time last year I used to have amazing and frightening and intriguing dreams almost every night and I'd spend hours dissecting them and pulling the puzzles apart. This dream was odd however in that is resembled one of those dreams from last year. Someone (Gaby?) was at my house with me when Jared came and picked me up in a white BMW, I literally jumped in his arms (ha!). You would have thought we were old friends, the way we were talking. So then the three of us went to some store (Target?) , he was shopping and we were discussing various random things, like webcomics! He said the one I liked was lame and I don't even think I cared ... then he was in the fitting room and I gave Gaby a glare and said "Don't do that." As I could tell she was falling for him. Then Stevie showed up, and the four of us hung out and it was incredibly normal and did not feel awkward at all; which is actually more weird.

The more I think about it, the less I remember. That's frustrating. It's particularly odd to me anyway simply because why was HE in my dream? Seriously, I haven't even seen him or talked to him in nearly 6 months; I don't even talk ABOUT him or hardly give him much thought anymore. I think if I could remember more fine details like colors and thing it would make it easy to interpret. It was just interesting to note the lack of psychadelic objects like the neon pink raccoon and the impossible ice rink. This dream was so normal that I was searching online for knitting projects when I thought about it, for a brief second thinking it had happened in reality. :]

In related news, when I obtain enough cash to purchase ... certain squished items, and with some left over, I am determined to purchase the books to fuel my inane desire to learn about dreams. I found an awesome dream dictionary at Half Price Books, but I gave it up to buy "Pretty Persuasion" instead. I also want an instruction book on how to Lucid dream. Hmm ... as I was typing "Lucid Dream" Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds came on my Itunes. Fitting, right? Not only is that little marmalade sky world probably some sort of vision or dream (if not an acid trip), but I like the ring of "Lucid Dream" next to "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." Similar sounds soothe my soul. Alliteration, Huzzah!

This is the first day of my life

So, this is my first post. Let's see if I'll actually remain loyal to this journal and regularly update it. Why did I start a blog again after failing to keep up with the many I dabbled in in the past? Well, weird chain of events -- I was on the Spiral Diner webpage, found a link to Beautiful Confusion Films and from there found a link to Kat Candler and in turn found a link to "A Few of my Days" by a woman named Stacy in Austin. Stacy's blog really inspired me, because all she did was just share "a few of (her) days" and I was captivated and motivated and inspired to live a life filled with the same plethora of creativity, kindness and passion that shone through her entries. Right now, Austin is looking at the forefront of my college choices and reading her blog showed me just how many opportunities Austin offers as a great place to live. I especially admire her work with the homeless, definitely something I'd want to become involved with. Anyway, if her musings inspired me -- maybe my musings could one day inspire other people? Or at least help me meet some like-minded people. Or if anything, I'll just have a technological archive of all the journal entries I already scrawl in notebooks with my purple ink pens.