I know this is a trail mix ad, but I just stumbledupon it and it seemed relevant. haha
Okay, so I'm not just another "I'm leaving a vague lamentation comment in a dramatic attempt to make people wonder about my state of being and inquire" I will elaborate on the comment I made up there.
I am growing increasingly impatient and bored with my life as I countdown the months before I get to move to Austin and START OVER. I am really looking forward to starting over because ...
a) It's hard to change peoples' opinions of you after they already have an idea of how they want to see you. I know that I've changed and grown a lot and it's frustrating for people to see you as the same person you were a few years ago.
b) As a senior in high school, most of my peers are now younger than me. High school is already frustrating when you can't hold intelligent conversations with your peers, but as you grow older and the older students graduate you have fewer and fewer people with whom to have scintillating conversation. Thus breeds frustration.
c) I'm bored. Bored with what I'm learning, bored with what I'm doing on the weekends, bored with the people I interact with, bored with myself and my own inactivity. Just plain bored. I want to feel passionate about life again!
Alright, because of this I have been:
cranky, grouchy, impatient, rude, apathetic, and negative.
This is no good.
I've stopped eating healthy and stopped doing things I love and stopped putting in the effort to be a good person and to hold my tongue when people annoy me or make me mad because the attitude of "Why does it matter?" has set in.
This is a TERRIBLE attitude to have. I recognize this! SO ... I am going to try try TRY to stop it. I am going to strive to do the things that make me happy like crafts, and scrapbooking, and writing, and watching good films, and listening to good music, and being around people I love. I am going to strive to only put good, helpful substances into my body. I am going to strive to treat every person with patience and kindness. I am going to strive to treat myself more nicely and not be so self-critical.
So yeah, pretty much.
Haha ... look at past posts I realize that I wrote a pretty similar post about a month ago. Go figure I was on my period then as I am now. Maybe I'm just super self critical when I'm PMS-ing?? haha ... ugggh.
I think perhaps that might have a little something to do with it, because although I haven't posted in a while, a lot of happy things have happened that I've continued putting off writing about. Things like: Making a breakthrough in the screen writing, Earning 12 hours of college credit already, the UIL academic meets, Garrett and Sam's birthday part, seeing "Ebeneezer", seeing "Synedoche, NY", seeing "The Last 5 Years" and having Dayna visit.
Maybe I just need to chillax, drink some water, go to sleep, and give myself another shot tomorrow.
2 comments:
I think our true inner bitches come out in period time!! haha, but I can totally relate to how you feel.
you say you're going to AUSTIN!? that's awesome. I applied to St. Edward's University in Austin - still waiting to hear back. But I too, am in a transition. I just want to start my life already! I'm tired of still being a child, when I'm ready to be an adult.
"Patience makes the soul stronger" my grandmother always says.
BLAH.
OH hey - we can always PEN PAL?! that makes things fun in times of utter boringness.
Yes, AUSTIN! Woo! I got accepted to the University of Texas and their Radio/TV/Film School. They have a really awesome program and I want to pursue screenwriting. If we both ended up in Austin how cool would that be? =]
Pen pal-ing would be really fun and a good way to get to know eachother better. I love your blog, you're just a nifty and interesting person. I'm going to try and keep up with mine more regularly. I always click on my dashboard and read all my subscriptions but I need to start POSTING.
But yeah, if you're for reals about the pen pal thing email me (kayla.l.freeman@gmail.com) your address and I will give you my address and write you up a nifty letter. <3
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